Women have undoubtedly secured massive victories over the last century. We fought tirelessly for the right to vote, marched for workplace protections, and shattered countless glass ceilings. We celebrate these massive milestones, and society loves to remind us of how far we have come. But beneath the surface of this hard-won progress, an uncomfortable truth remains.
It is still very much a man’s world.
As much as we strive to change things and want to stand as true equals to our counterparts, the reality often mirrors the past. Men do not always treat us as equals in professional spaces. I am not saying every man behaves this way. Many men act as incredible allies and champions for women. But a large majority of the population still treats women differently.
Reduced to “His Wife” in the Accountant’s Office
The feeling of being a second-class citizen often starts with seemingly small, everyday interactions. These microaggressions pile up, sending a clear message about exactly where you stand. Recently, I went to my accountant’s office with my husband for a meeting.
When we walked in, the owner—a relatively young professional in his early 50s—greeted us. He firmly shook my husband’s hand, offering standard professional respect. Then, he turned to me and rubbed my shoulder. I hated it. It felt dismissive, overly familiar, and completely inappropriate in a business setting. You do not rub a male client’s shoulder, so why do it to a female client?
Moments later, the situation worsened. He introduced us to his business partner, pointed at my husband, and said, “This is Brian Topper, and this is his wife.”
He completely erased my identity. I was no longer an individual, a business owner, or a paying client. I was merely an extension of the man standing next to me.
My husband quickly chimed in, clarifying, “Her name is Hilary.” I appreciated his immediate support, but the damage was already done. It felt deeply upsetting to be reduced to an accessory in a room where I deserved equal standing.
This lack of respect extends far beyond in-person meetings; it bleeds into our digital communication. When I email this accountant about our finances, he rarely responds to me directly. I have noticed a distinct pattern. He only replies if my husband is copied on the message. You would expect a modern professional to treat women as equals, especially a younger business owner. Instead, these actions make it painfully clear that my voice only carries weight when a man validates it.
A Pat on the Head Instead of a Strategy
Unfortunately, the accountant is not an isolated case. This dismissive attitude permeates many different industries and professional relationships. Recently, I had a frustrating run-in with my book distributor that highlighted a similar dynamic.
I bust my butt every single day trying to secure publicity, arrange interviews, and get my book the exposure it needs. I copy my distributor on every major update. To leverage this momentum, I built a cohesive strategy and ultimately sold more books.
His typical response? A simple, “Good job.”
These updates aren’t shared to get a gold star or a pat on the head. They are shared for a strategic business purpose. I need a professional partner who will capitalize on publicity, not a figurehead who offers condescending praise.
This dynamic forces me to wonder about the underlying bias. If I were a man, would I have to work this hard just to be taken seriously? Would a male author receive a dismissive “good job,” or would he get a concrete action plan? Women constantly have to prove their competence and hustle twice as hard, only to be met with passive, unhelpful responses from male counterparts who hold the keys to distribution.
The Missing Lingo and Lost Opportunities at HJMT PR
These recent experiences force me to look back. During my time running my former agency, HJMT PR, I faced the harsh realities of the corporate boys’ club. I lost many lucrative accounts simply because I was a woman.
Sitting in boardrooms and high-stakes pitch meetings, I felt a massive disconnect. I did not share the same “lingo” as the men sitting across the table. There was an unspoken language, a shared camaraderie, and a set of hidden rules that I was inherently excluded from.
I desperately tried to bridge the gap, even taking up golf, knowing that the real business deals often happen on the green rather than in the office. After learning the sport, I bought the clubs and showed up to play. But it was never enough. Playing their game did not grant me access to their inner circle.
I look back on those lost opportunities and feel a deep, lingering sense of frustration. I constantly question how much more successful I would have been if I were a man.
Would my:
- pitches land better?
- my authority been accepted without question?
- my firm have grown twice as fast?
It is a bitter pill to swallow when you realize your talent, drive, and expertise are sometimes outweighed by the simple fact of your gender.
Moving Forward in an Unequal World
We have come a long way since the suffrage movement, but true equality requires far more than basic legal rights. Feeling like a second-class citizen chips away at your professional worth. It drains your energy and forces you to fight battles that your male counterparts never even see. We must continue to speak up when we are reduced to “his wife” or given condescending praise. If you experience this kind of treatment, do not let it slide.
Actionable Steps for Women in Business
- Correct introductions immediately: If someone introduces you as an accessory, politely but firmly state your name and professional title.
- Demand professional responses: If a vendor or partner ignores your emails, address the communication issue directly. Establish clear expectations for business correspondence.
- Find your allies: Surround yourself with partners, vendors, and colleagues who value your expertise. Do not hesitate to take your business elsewhere if you face consistent disrespect.
- Share your experiences: Talk about these microaggressions with other women. By bringing these stories into the light, we can collectively recognize and dismantle these subtle barriers.
The professional landscape may still operate like a boys’ club, but we do not have to accept the status quo. By demanding respect and refusing to be marginalized, we pave the way for a future where women are truly treated as equals.